CRITIQUE THURSDAY

[slumber.livejournal.com]

Hey everyone, I know we're all gearing up for a Word War this weekend, so in preparation for that, tell us: is there a particularly gnarly piece of plot point blocking you? An emotion you can't quite get right, dialogue that's sounding less than perfect?

Well, why not share them in the comments here, and let your fellow H/D writers help you out?

(For now, we'll focus on H/D pieces since that's something we all know we've got in common. We might change this in future depending on how it works, so let us know what you think.)

Please post your snippets in this post, and tell us what you're having trouble with, what you're trying to achieve, or just plain ask for constructive criticism.

For everyone else, take a look at the snippets and give the writers concrit. By definition, constructive criticism is anything that allows the writer to constructively improve their piece. What can they add, what can they alter, what thing will help enhance what they've written? Don't just leave comments about what isn't working; tell them what has worked and what can be done to make things work better. That's key to helping each other out, and writers will appreciate you all the better for it!

So let's all share pieces from H/D projects we're working on and let the hd_writers community help you out!

Comments

[tryslora]

I don't have any H/D in the works right now, but I've tracked this post and am happy to try to help others if I can!

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant. I've tracked it, too because unfortunately the HD I'm currently working on is anon :( Very frustrating, because I could have used the help! :P

I'm going to come back and help others should the need arise though! :P

[eidheann_writes]

Same *sigh*

[mab.livejournal.com]

me too!

[writcraft]

Darn!! I need this - but both anon fics... :(

[celestlyn.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the comments could be posted anonymously? That would not give away the author.

[slumber.livejournal.com]

Drat. The option isn't available. :/

[kitty_fic]

You should be able to comment anon - but they will be screened and need to be unscreened by a mod
or that is the way the settings are set up :)

[slumber.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, got it! Thanks Kitty!

PS. Let me know if you'd like me to unscreen the comments or if someone else on the mod team would like to-- I don't think I have the ability right now.

[kitty_fic]

ZOMG! I didn't realize that I never added you as an official mod! Yes, please let me do that so that you can unscreen any anon comments! <3

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

That's smart!

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

Oh. Lol. Didn't see that other comment.

[emansil-12.livejournal.com]

I LOvE this idea, I'm not currently writing, but I'll be glad to try and offer some suggestions on what works and why. For me, that's absolutely the best part of betaing, finding the gems and encouraging more of the same.

[sksdwrld.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I have nothing written but I would like to write the next chapter of gillyweed and toads... a hogwarts mpreg. Narcissa and molly have just found out the sex of the baby. The boys are just starting to get used to one another. No idea where to go from here.

Also, I want to write the next chapter of dtf. Figuring out the dialogue exchange between Ivan and Harry has had me stuck for months! Anyone following either who wants to cheer me on and/or discuss...that would be helpful!

[tryslora]

Can you post excerpts? Do we need to be familiar with the prior chapters to help out?

[sksdwrld.livejournal.com]

Gillyweed needs no familiarity, I just ran out of plot. For dtf, one must have read the previous work, playing with fire, to be familiar with Ivan.

[tryslora]

What's the next conflict that needs to be overcome in Gillyweed?

[sksdwrld.livejournal.com]

To appease the masses, the boys should probably fall in love at some point. Also, Lucius physically threatened Harry at one point (while Harry was pregnant) so those two should probably get more amicable. Also, Harry is about 6 months along and I need to decide if he should keep it a secret for longer or if the prophet finds out! Thus alerting the adoring public.

[tryslora]

Sounds like you've got your answers there... loads of things to choose from, and some of them could even be combined for more effect (like the combination of Lucius and Harry trying to be nice to each other around the same time the public finds out). Or starting to work towards the boys' relationship (not easy to do when things end up in the public eye).

[essenity.livejournal.com]

Basically the idea was born from the saying "they say actions speak louder than words". However for Draco, it's the opposite due to his past (eg parents put up a show in public but in private they always speak loving words to him). It's a Harry/Draco plot with Harry/Ginny waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the background.

Setting is after the war, perhaps Harry and Draco work together, maybe as Aurors. Harry keeps spouting about conflicts between him and Ginny or something. Eventually Ginny leaves but Harry has already gone past caring because he's more interested in Draco. Harry doesn't ever voice his feelings, instead choosing to express through actions. Draco has a problem with believing Harry's motives because he needs to hear words.
(Or Harry might not even have a relationship with Ginny, just complaining in general?)

What I'm having problems with: coming up with scenes that show bickering, snarky behaviour (although accepting) between the two. Both pre-relationship and after relationship is established.
Actual plot after initial friendship is established.
And perhaps a beta after it's finished? It's currently sitting at 2.8k so I'm guessing it might end around 15-20k.

[tryslora]

Give them some outside conflicts to deal with? Come up with an Auror plot (if they're both Aurors) that puts them in close proximity... hunting someone down, stakeout, go watch some cop shows to get good ideas. *grins* Then give it that H/D twist by making things go wrong, and the snark begins...

[ashindk.livejournal.com]

What Trys said. Give them some outside conflict and/or a task to complete together. Let them work together to solve a problem.

[oakstone730.livejournal.com]

Here's my writing puzzle:

If I am writing from Harry's perspective, through his eyes as it were, can I write that he doesn't see something?

As in: "Harry finished the chocolate cake with a groan of satisfaction, not noticing Draco's eyes watching him, he licked the last of the frosting from his fingers..." <-- horrible example but it gets the gist of what I want. Basically I want to give a give a glimpse of what Draco's thinking but want to stay in Harry's POV.

[slumber.livejournal.com]

I love this question. I feel like pointing out the things that he cannot see would be breaking the 3rd person limited and moving into 3rd person omniscient, but IDK how widely held that stand is. I've definitely seen it the way you've written it. My suggestion, though, is to find some way to make what Draco thinks clear from other actions that Harry can see from his POV. Like, maybe his voice is strained next time he talks-- Harry doesn't have to know why the voice is strained, but he can hear it, and it's clear to the readers that it's because he'd been watching? You can even add in things like "his fingers were knuckle-white from clutching the table" which doesn't seem to be related to the act/thought you want to imply, but because readers come into a story expecting certain things that characters aren't always aware of themselves, it's easier to suggest things to readers that way, without revealing all to the character! (If that makes sense.)

[oakstone730.livejournal.com]

That makes complete sense. I think I was just wanting to take the easy way to see Draco's reaction. I'll work more at it.

[tryslora]

Yes, what Slumber said. It's definitely been done, but it's better to show from what Harry does see than from what he doesn't. Draco's body language should give away clues--his voice, his tension, etc. etc.

[oakstone730.livejournal.com]

Bring on the tension and UST!

[tryslora]

Exactly! Show it all. *grins*

[(Anonymous)]

Harry and Draco have a volatile marriage (been married a few years). After angry sex, Harry gets pregnant but doesn't find out for a while. When Harry finally finds out, it is after another fight where Draco walks out because he doesn't want to fight anymore. Harry goes after him to give him the news but Draco thinks Harry is full of bullshit, they get into another fight and Draco walks out again. He later finds out from reading newspapers that his husband almost miscarried.

Draco tries to apologise etc, but I'm kind of stuck in this space where they don't really quiet trust each other anymore and Harry is cautious and sometimes scared when Draco gets close, instead he hides behind Lucius for protection after he sees how furious Lucius was at his son's actions. How do I turn it around for a happy ending? Some things Draco could do to gain back Harry's and Lucius' trust?

Also, what gender? And should I name the kid or leave it up to reader's imagination? If I specify a name, what should their baby's name be?

[slumber.livejournal.com]

Hmm, that's always the tricky part, isn't it? There should be things from when they were fighting (like issues Harry has with Draco, things he wants Draco to improve upon/change) that Draco is shown to be working at. For example (albeit a terrible one), if Harry had been complaining about how cruel Draco was to others, maybe he's shown to be kind to someone, regardless of whether or not Harry is around to see him (and naturally, Harry does see him). Identify what things were problematic with Draco and find specific instances/scenes/examples showing how he's improving (slowly but surely) at them, in ways that Harry could either witness or hear about later. I think those would help convince him that Draco was serious and not just talking for the sake of it? It would be more effective if Draco did something selfless, and he did it without knowing that Harry would hear of it, because then it shows he's doing it genuinely, and not JUST to get Harry back.

This is a cop out answer, but I think the gender/name decision depends on what's suitable to the story, and that's hard to gauge sometimes. If the story is heavily centered on the child/pregnancy, naming seems appropriate, but if it's really more about H/D finding their way back together then maybe it isn't necessary? Personally I think maybe leaving it to reader imagination is better, if only because I feel like everyone will have their headcanon for it, and unless there's a strong ~theme~ running throughout the story that ties in to a child's name anything else almost feels kind of tacked on (I might be in the minority, because I tend to like everything tied together in a neat bow, but of course life and stories don't always work that way).

Hope this helps!