Show vs Tell Exercises

[amorette.livejournal.com]

Hi all! I am doing today's post for the month-long writing series here at hd_writers, and I thought I'd talk about the concept of Show vs Tell.


Show vs Tell

How does this relate to fanfiction? Well, showing (which can be done in many ways) is a way to get the reader more absorbed in the world of the story, both mentally and emotionally. Since this is fanfiction, odds are the readers are already somewhat emotionally involved in the characters or the setting... which is great! That makes the writer's job a bit easier xD

What are some ways to SHOW?

• describing using the five senses


• dialogue to communicate feelings and thoughts


• using a tighter POV to the main character

These are the main ways so I will just stick with these for now, but there are lots of other ways to fully immerse the reader in the story.

Why do you want to avoid telling?
Because it makes the writing dry, it can be tedious to read, and it evokes almost zero emotion. Essentially, the reader will not get as immersed in the story if there is too much tell and not enough show.


Examples

Here is a scene that is TOLD instead of SHOWN:

Harry felt too cold to hold Draco's hand, even though he wanted to, so he shoved his hand in his pocket instead. This made Draco mad becuase Draco thought Harry didn't like him, so he scowled and was mean to Harry. Harry became confused, which made him angry in return. This misunderstanding caused a major rift between them during the entire Hogsmeade trip.

Here is the same scene using the above bulleted list of SHOWY strategies:

The wind bit at his bare skin and Harry really wished he had brought gloves. He longingly thought about the thick knit gloves that Mrs Weasley had sent him for Christmas, sitting in his truck in the toasty dormitory up in Gryffindor tower. Blowing into his hands, his breath steaming in the winter air, he began rubbing his palms together rapidly before shoving them into his pockets.

"If we make it to Hogsmeade without getting frostbite, I'll be happy," Harry said. When Draco didn't say anything, Harry looked at him with a grin, which faltered when he saw the scowl on Draco's face. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Nothing at all."

Harry frowned at the clipped tones. "Doesn't sound like it's nothing."

"Trust me, it's nothing. Let's just get there, buy the supplies we need, and leave."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Harry said, marching in front of Draco, the frozen gravel crunching under his boots. He felt a petty sense of satisfaction when Draco had to jog to keep up. But if he was going to be in a sour mood, Harry had no desire to put up with him. His patience at being partnered with Draco was wearing presciously thin.

It's not perfect and I definitely did use telling a bit in there, but interspersed with showing, telling can be okay.


Exercises


EXERCISE 1: Can anyone comment saying how the second version of the scene exemplifies SHOWING?

EXERCISE 2: Choose one of these scenes to re-write and add elements of SHOWING, and post in the comments.

Scene 1:
On his way to breakfast, Draco saw Harry hug Ginny outside the Great Hall and felt insanely jealous and angry. So he tripped Harry on his way in, feeling a rush of happiness when Harry's attention was suddenly all focused on him instead.

Scene 2:
Hermione suspects Harry of liking Draco, because there are signs... loads of signs. But whenever she brings it up to him, he gets defensive and denies it. Hermione is not happy about the crush he suspects he has, but she would rather Harry just admitted it than hid it all the time.

Scene 3:
When he kissed Draco for the first time, Harry felt incredibly aroused.
BONUS: This scene could become extra layered and complicated if, mingled with Harry's arousal, was also shame and doubt.