Getting into m/m slash romance has made me realize how incredibly complicated questions of desire and of objectification/identification are. In my years (from early teens on) reading a fuckton of het romance, I was attracted to things that turned *me* on; I think it was actually a really valuable way to explore my desires and sexuality before I was ready to do so with another person.
With slash, which is something I got into in my 40s, I am turned on--as a reader--by many things that I absolutely do not find erotic for myself. Spanking, for example; with the right dynamic between two men (and that's very specific for me), I find it immensely erotic and moving. I would experience it myself as frightening, alienating, and completely unsexual, however.
This isn't an attempt to answer your question, just to say that I find it very interesting, and I really like hearing other people's experiences because as Mel said, sex is complicated and that's part of the fun. :)
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With slash, which is something I got into in my 40s, I am turned on--as a reader--by many things that I absolutely do not find erotic for myself. Spanking, for example; with the right dynamic between two men (and that's very specific for me), I find it immensely erotic and moving. I would experience it myself as frightening, alienating, and completely unsexual, however.
This isn't an attempt to answer your question, just to say that I find it very interesting, and I really like hearing other people's experiences because as Mel said, sex is complicated and that's part of the fun. :)